As part of my day job, I choose to participate in our company wellness program. That membership requires me to complete a Health Risk Assessment (HRA), which measures things such as physical activity, nutrition, sleep and stress factors; and biometric testing that measures blood pressure, blood sugars, BMI and triglycerides.
My results determined that my health is relatively good. But I left the screening feeling horrible about the one number that mattered most to me – the number on the scale. It wasn’t a mystery that I had gained weight. It happens. So what motivated me to choose that number to measure myself against, instead of the other twelve that had “proven” I was healthy?
I recognize the phenomenon is not unique to me. Many women judge themselves harshly because of a number on a scale. What I’ve come to realize is that it’s not the number that matters, it’s how we feel about the number – do we feel thin, fat or fit?
The truth is, that number only means what we make it mean. For one it could mean success, for another it could mean falling off the wagon. Whatever judgment we put around it, it essentially means, “do we feel beautiful?”
I’d like to think that real beauty can be defined as the kind of energy we see and feel when we are privileged to see the depths of somebody’s soul. When they share their experience with us and we connect to that part of their being that is Divine. But my truth is that beauty is mostly defined by, “it depends upon your perspective.”
Real beauty is not a number. But it’s also not necessarily a lyrical ideal that suggests you mustn’t TRY so hard either. Please know that I love the message Colbie Callait is spreading, but being lovable and feeling lovable are not necessarily the same. The truth is found somewhere in between.
For a cancer survivor, beauty can be defined by the soft hair that grows back when the chemo has stopped. For a woman who has survived an abusive relationship, beauty can be found in gaining a few extra pounds without guilt from her controlling partner. For a veteran who has lost limbs, beauty can be found in the restored faith in mankind.
We are beautiful when we BELIEVE we are beautiful. For some of us, what makes us feel beautiful is a filter or the Facebook pose we use to portray ourselves on social media. For others, it IS the number on the scale or a certain color of eye shadow. It’s what we make it mean.
I’ve learned that we have the power to change the meaning. To change it means we need to change our minds about it. That isn’t always easy. That takes work. Not work for approval or acceptance outside yourself; rather work toward self-love. It can mean working toward a number on the scale and it could mean working up to having the courage to show your authentic self to a stranger. Whatever the work – do it for yourself, because that work is beautiful.
Beauty can’t always be measured or judged. It’s a view from the inside that can only be felt when we’re paying attention to what’s real for us.